....unless of course, one is referring to the dialogue, floating like driftwood through this pointless cesspool of a film. If you're referring to the soundtrack, that's a different matter, but only just.
Thos remake is proof that, in Hollywood especially, its not cool to let things stay unresolved for too long. After 20 years in development hell (Including director and cast changes), the producers have waded into the property's long history (all the way back to the 1936 radio broadcast) and have slashed and patched a once charmingly idiosyncratic vigilante series beyond recognition - or relevance.
If you're still somehow interested in the story at this stage, here's the short version: party-boy and billionaire heir (of an independent newspaper company - yah!) is slowly but inexorably drawn to "seek some purpose for his life after his dad's untimely passing. He teams up with coffee-making classical music aficionado and mechanical genius Kato, first as reluctant do-gooders, then as scheming "double-players, ie they do bad stuff to let the real bad guys think that they're the bad guys (I kid you not).
Armed with a car better armed and equipped than this nation's entire armed forces, they set out on the "quest for justice, earning the ire of the city's reigning kingpin, Chudnofsky, (Christoph Waltz). Oh yeah, they throw in Cameron Diaz as a PA/researcher, just so us guys might have something worthwhile looking at.
As Kato, Jay Chou not only dishonours the memory of Bruce Lee (yes, we're that serious about it) but also confirms his own precipitous fall from the lofty heights of Zhang Yimou's "Curse of the Golden Flower". As the managing editor at the paper and the "voice of reason and wisdom" Edward James Olmos is almost a caricature of his "Miami Vice" police lieutenant. Rogen is simply Rogen, meaning its hard to stand him for more than a few seconds at a time without accompanying action.
The one minor joy (soundtrack aside) in all this mess is Waltz, who rips into the slim pickings of the villain's role with the ferocity of an underfed wolf in captivity. The rest is pure mayhem, corny homosexual and heterosexual jibes and effects, including the lousiest 3-D I've seen since the technology made its debut.
With a mere dozen days elapsed for 2011, "Hornet" is in pole position for the year's worst movie, but....you never know.
If you're still somehow interested in the story at this stage, here's the short version: party-boy and billionaire heir (of an independent newspaper company - yah!) is slowly but inexorably drawn to "seek some purpose for his life after his dad's untimely passing. He teams up with coffee-making classical music aficionado and mechanical genius Kato, first as reluctant do-gooders, then as scheming "double-players, ie they do bad stuff to let the real bad guys think that they're the bad guys (I kid you not).
Armed with a car better armed and equipped than this nation's entire armed forces, they set out on the "quest for justice, earning the ire of the city's reigning kingpin, Chudnofsky, (Christoph Waltz). Oh yeah, they throw in Cameron Diaz as a PA/researcher, just so us guys might have something worthwhile looking at.
As Kato, Jay Chou not only dishonours the memory of Bruce Lee (yes, we're that serious about it) but also confirms his own precipitous fall from the lofty heights of Zhang Yimou's "Curse of the Golden Flower". As the managing editor at the paper and the "voice of reason and wisdom" Edward James Olmos is almost a caricature of his "Miami Vice" police lieutenant. Rogen is simply Rogen, meaning its hard to stand him for more than a few seconds at a time without accompanying action.
The one minor joy (soundtrack aside) in all this mess is Waltz, who rips into the slim pickings of the villain's role with the ferocity of an underfed wolf in captivity. The rest is pure mayhem, corny homosexual and heterosexual jibes and effects, including the lousiest 3-D I've seen since the technology made its debut.
With a mere dozen days elapsed for 2011, "Hornet" is in pole position for the year's worst movie, but....you never know.
No comments:
Post a Comment